I suddenly lost touch of the relationship.
I couldn’t explain it all, but I just started feeling off who I chose to be.
I did all I needed to do on an activity basis and not a relational one as it really is meant to be.
Tried chewing the word again.. But I found out I was only turning pages after pages…
Started praying out of fear.
Thoughts weren’t helping in any ways.
A whole lot passed through my head.
“Maybe I wasn’t His own like I thought”…
“Maybe the break I unconsciously took from my bible and prayer walks irritated him”
“Maybe my sins were just too red”
Now, I’m trying to catch the train again.
But it’s really fast.
Like! How am I supposed to run with this body of mine that suddenly added weight from worrying thoughts?
Thinking that The Holy Spirit just forgot he knew me… i can’t deal…
In the midst of the whole thing there were just a whole lot of pressure from thoughts upon thoughts around pulling me.
Sadly, I ended up drowning.
Going back to who I used to be..
Thinking I’d find some sort of happiness.. I did though. It was only temporal.
I unconsciously dropped my garment of dignity and reduced my worth.
Stooping low to dine with the wrong people..
Now, I am back to where I all started.
Back to the ground.
Confused..
Stripped of my actual self.
Being punished by those who really aren’t better than me in anyway.
Now they remember i was once a Christian and they mock me…
Totaly my fault..
I forgot to make my roots deeper,
Wait, I didn’t forget actually.
I just got too busy.
Thanks to the activities of this world.
Now I’m trying to gather my worth again
I feel I can’t find any…
I feel so far..
What happens next?
………………………………………………………………………………………
Are u like me?
You can survive this.
Because I did..
Wasn’t as hard as I thought.
I just rested completely in the love of Christ.
The earlier you know he doesn’t love you LESS or MORE based on your activities whether to him or not.
The bolder you would be feeling when you enter his presence.
In fact, that would make you run to His feet.
Whether you read the Bible or not, He loves you still..
He’s just sad you are missing out of the awesome food He has long prepared before you were born!
Same goes with prayers..
It’s just a mindset thing
You aren’t alone in this.
Thinking about stuffs like this only leaves a wide hole for the devil to creep into your mind.
And remember God doesn’t dwell where there’s doubt or fear…
Do not nurse this thoughts till they grow into sin
Just know this!
God loves you regardless.
During the sin and confusion, he loves you same.
When you move to being on his side,
He still loves you same way he loved you!
You want to win mind battles?
Rest in His love!!!
Our focus is finishing STRONG!
Oh yes! There are down times… Just make sure you stand when you trip!
I love you! But God’s got you. 🙂
Ifeyinwa
Balm of Zion 
Very encouraging word!
this happens to me a lot… till of recent sef. it is hard to understand the logicality of God’s love with our human senses and relationships that are based on how we act and what we do… but as soon as you realise that nothing you do or don’t do will EVER desperate you from God’s love (mind boggling, I know) … it becomes easier to trust him as a friend.
Love you too 🙂
😦 … This is a *certain* word . Exactly what I’m goin through. … The skill and the message. Just divine. God bless you for this.